Author: Tim Froehlich

Hmmm.

You have played 1132 hour(s) so far.

1132 hours / 26 weeks (approx. age of character) = 43.5385 hours per week
43.5385 hours / 7 days = 6.2198 hours per day.

Anyways. Fragmented post today.

After I made the previous post, I started feeling the pain. I got this silly idea to stop taking the massive ibuprofen they gave me (600 freaking mg) because it was making me sleep, hoo was that dumb. Had I kept taking it, I’m sure I woulda been fine. The day I came to school on my last few Vicodin was exceedingly fun, albeit bloody. The holes have sealed themselves up, which is kind of a weird feeling.

What was weirdest, though, was people telling me (and I got this from at least half a dozen people) that I was abnormally hilarious while on the Vicodin.

I don’t feel like making a generic stuff-I-got-for-Christmas list because my Christmas SUCKED BALLS.

New years wasn’t bad, I went around to a few houses and had awkward small talk with old people, and beat half of Gears of War at Daniel’s house. I had fully intended to go to J-man Schultz’s shindig, but totally forgot about it. For the lose.

Robotics starts today, meaning I have to somehow squeeze in sleep, school, robotics, and SK. For the curious, the game we’re designing the robot for can be seen here. Looks like it’s gonna be an interesting season.

My brothers moved back into my house, for a minimum of 3 weeks.

More comprehensive and interest posts to come later.

Valium + Vicodin

This surgery could almost be defined as fun.

Not even joking.

I haven’t felt any pain at all.

This stuff basically makes me grin CONSTANTLY, bashed my motor skills (I seriously can’t walk around the house without gripping something solid), and is actually making me hallucinate. Playing SK is bizarre – I keep reading things that aren’t even remotely there, and I start typing responses, only to realize halfway through that a) i haven’t actually been typing anything, but actually pressing the “=” key, and that b) nothing i’m look at it is even remotely related to what I, for whatever reason, thought was happening.

Surgery was absolutely painless. Today’s been 100% awesome, except for drooling blood all over my pillow and some blankets.

Oral Surgery

No, that’s not me being dirty, I’m getting my wisdom teeth pulled tomorrow morning. I totally forgot about it until today. The suck.

So, I’m out for two days while I drool blood and saliva uncontrollably. Oh happy day.

I might come to regret slapping Paul all those times after he got his out. 🙁

Doubt

Interesting two days. I got in the mood to take pictures again, although these really aren’t as great as they could be – if I had a clue what I was doing with the camera I could probably make these a bit more accessible, but as is, they’re best viewed in a dark room, and the thumbnails don’t even come close to doing justice.

South Hill:

A kind of bizarre tree/street light shot:

My favorite, just the road and some lights:

A tree against the night sky:

Another road shot, the house at the end is mine:

The moon, obscured by trees:

Student housing, obscured by chain-link:

The moon, obscured by clouds:

An apartment complex sidewalk:

Mmmm. I should really invest in some better equipment for this, very few of those shots came out like I wanted them to.

Uncertainty

Certainty is a rare and valuable thing. How often are you positive about anything? Everything comes with its share of doubts and potential pitfalls. Those, I don’t particularly mind. It’s only when those potential pitfalls are things I can fix, that I can change, that I can prevent. It’s not out of self-loathing or self-doubt that I say this, but merely because I acknowledge that I am imperfect and capable of screwing things up, especially when I’ve recognized my previous patterns for screwing up and I’m afraid of making the same mistake yet again.

This is something that’s only truly become apparant to me in the past few months, as I begin to understand the value of experience. This new-found respect for experience is not out of a sudden wealth of it in myself, but of the realization of what little I do have, and what there is in others. Last Sunday was a pretty interesting experience (lol) in this regard.

A fellow pastor from across the state came and preached and did some official duty related to my church’s recent election of elders (essentially the governmental body of the church – irrelevant to the story at hand). In our typical fashion, we (my parents, myself, and said pastor) went out to lunch and had a fairly nice time chatting and such. Somewhere along the conversation my dad started explaining the events that stopped us from moving to Tempe, Arizona in the summer of 1997.

A lot of the details I shouldn’t, and won’t share, because it’s a pretty personal story. What I can say, though, is that it’s weird to stumble across a whole new realm of respect for your own parents. Some of you may, or may not, know that once upon a time I was destined to move to Arizona, where my dad was going to start a new church. He had the financial support, the manpower, and we were just about a month or two away from moving. Our destination, to us, was quite certain, but everything fell through. In essence, they were backstabbed by their own church and fellow (quoteunquote) Christians, in a pretty clear-cut way (meaning, this isn’t just the bias of the son talking). I really wish I could describe it all, but perhaps another day.

Anyways. I had a whole varied amount of conclusions about everything after sitting and watching my dad almost drop to tears. The first was, as originally mentioned, about respecting experience. I came to realize that my parents had experiences that strongly affect how they act – for me to be as critical as I often have was, in retrospect, quite unjust, when taking into account where they’re coming from. I’m known to be especially critical of my mom. Some of it’s justified. Now, I realize, some of it’s not, and I should have questioned myself a little more harshly when others told me it wasn’t.

The second was one of the value of bad experiences. At the time, there was little good behind the emotional, financial, and practically physical abandonment my parents faced, and yet, there is much good that has been wrought of that ill. I wouldn’t live in Ithaca, for starters, and I don’t particularly enjoy the thought of not having the friends and experiences that I do now.

And the third, of course, was of certainty. As much as I’d love to be certain about something, anything, there’s nothing around me or within me that I can trust to provide certainty. Thus, I just have to suck it up and trust God that it will come out for the best, regardless of how I want to screw it up. And maybe try to minimize my capability of doing just that in the mean-time.

*hums softly*

I feel really, really good. This break has been wonderful, for myriad reasons. Some of which I will teasingly not mention.

Meaningful

Despite not being in a particularly thankful mood, I realize the importance of trying anyways. As such, I will provide you with the now-rare bulleted list.

  • God ftw, however screwed up I may be
  • family ftw, however screwed up it may be
  • friends ftw, however screwed up they may be
  • this mp3 player. yes, this is fourth on the list. that’s how much I use it.
  • in tandem with the mp3 player, running. in particular, I’m thankful for the two guys I ran past thirty minutes ago, while going from Ben’s house to mine. the quizzical expressions they give me as they see a guy in shorts and a puffy vest running at 3 AM make it all worthwhile.
  • the internet. in particular, YTMND, Zefrank, EGM, Gamespot, Bash, SK, Slashdot, Fark, Google, and halo.bungie.org.
  • science.

It’s a little short, but like I said, I’m not particularly in the mood.

Things are good. I’m content.

You Are a Pirate!

*hums*

Leave it to Iceland to create a song about pirates for children. They breed the pirates early over there. This song is actually quite old (I’ve known about it for some time), but I felt the need to reprise this for your benefit.

And, to set the election day mood:

BluECliQ: believing that Mcafee is going to protect you from hackers and viruses is exactly like believing that republicans can actually protect you from terrorists

Ninja_P: Okay, I just watched a guy puke in a glass, then drink it again
DragonAtma: Congratulations, you now know how congress operates.

Jim Kuhn: I just think it is silly that if I live in certain states in a ‘free country’ that I am not allowed to even read a poker forum.
DrSavage: What gave you an impression that you live in a free country?
bigalt: fox news

andyg721: i think it was on CNN
andyg721: Condoleeza Rice went to Asia
andyg721: the headline was RICE IN ASIA

I have this sneaking feeling that the Republicans will lose tomorrow.

About That Thing…

It’s exceedingly bizarre how transient one’s outlook on his future can be. For two years I’ve more or less told myself I’m going to TC3 and then transferring somewhere, heavily based under the assumption that my parents wouldn’t be paying for anything. Apparantly this isn’t really the case, and I don’t know why. My mom just walked in and proposed that I go to Houghton for a year or two and then take IC up on that whole free tuition business for another 2 years. For the unaware, Houghton’s a mostly liberal arts school (with some focus on music), somewhere in the regions of the state. I have been, in the past, heavily opposed to going to Houghton because it’s a Christian college (there’s a certain breed of “Christian” that places like Houghton attract that I find intolerable, even if they’re just a small portion of the populace). But, when mom suggested it tonight, I realized I don’t actually care that much. It’d be nice to just have a definitive plan for the future, or something.

My only worry is that I, uh, have absolutely no applications or recommendations or anything of that sort. Exciting times. We’ll see how this goes.

Psychoanalyzation

This year’s return in candy was, dare I say, pathetic. I’m left with what could barely be called handfuls of candy, disregarding the large piles left from what we didn’t hand out. The process of gathering the candy amounted to less fun than desired, as well. Listening to the melodramatic “situations” in other people’s lives isn’t what I was particularly hoping for in my Halloween night. Returning home was satisfying, though, sitting in the attic and sorting through my pitiful collection of candy, watching the remaining half of the Sixth Sense, which for some reason I saw at the ripe old age of 11, which, in retrospect, might have been a little too young.

Edit: I failed to mention, my costume was exceedingly brilliant. I was, as some of you know, Dr. Schrödinger, the physicist who developed the Schrödinger’s cat thought experiment. I sort of (not really) attempted to look like a scientist and carried a box labeled “cat”, but absolutely no one understood it. No one.

Returning to the melodrama I spoke of; I think people like to psychoanalyze and gossip about other people’s lives because their own lives are otherwise too boring and generic. Making a big deal over things that absolutely don’t matter is an excuse to not think about that which actually matters. A further possibility is that people just want something to talk about all the time, another concept that I fail to find myself comprehending. Imagine the horror of having nothing to say (or, ideally, just refraining from saying anything) (also, note the sarcasm of this sentence).

It reminds me a bit of the social commentary within the sixth season of the Sopranos. One of the things they suggested is that we, as a people, are bored, and participate in vaguely stupid activities to cure this. The case they cited would be carnival rides, like the generic spinning teacup thingo (we’ve all seen and/or ridden it, kind of like your mom). The actual event of getting in a metal hemisphere decorated like a cup and spinning around for fifty seconds isn’t fun, but the concept of being thrown around by something more powerful than you, that you have no control over, is. More precisely, the possibility of danger, such as the safeties failing, is what makes it fun. I’m not sure I entirely agree, but it is at least somewhat accurate, in that we’re seeking to inject something more interesting than ourselves into our lives, as if what we have isn’t enough.

I’m not suggesting we should be self-reliant and isolated. It merely seems to me that people are too reliant on artificial thrills. This is a broad statement – it stretches from alcoholism to thrill-seeking to…a whole lot of other things. Perhaps I’m guilty of this as well, but I don’t really know. Refer to the title of this post for my justification to speak so arrogantly on the matter.

Oh, in other news, I ran the mile in 6:11 (lol, that’s my address number), which I’m extremely confident I can do better on (I’m thinking like 5:50).

I also hit 39 in Wow (shut up, 60s), and have been positively mopping up in PvP. Then again, it’s not a PvP server (and the server as a whole suxxors), but has been fun regardless.

As for SK, my enthusiasm has slowed down a bit as of late. You have played 766 hour(s) so far.

EDIT: lolz

True Fixation

The meaning of the phrase “If it aint broke, don’t fix it.” is a rule by which I live. Thus, generally the only way things improve in my immediate surroundings is if they become broken, forcing my attention upon them and enhancing the otherwise beaurocratic process of improvement. This includes issues of character, as well, which came up today when my parents issued the rather simple challenge of “start doing work or we will forcibly remove every piece of electronics from your room whether you bought them or not”. Naturally, being the sauve beast that I am, pretended not to care, but after thinking about it, I really would have no reason to stay up to all hours, which is a concept I am roughly unfamiliar with. More poignant, however, was the notation that Christopher tried exactly what I’ve been thinking. You know, just zipping off to a part-time job and finding an apartment, living out in that nifty old real world we hear about so often. Turns out that didn’t come out too well for him, although admittedly, he was in a significantly different set of circumstances. Regardless, I believe the value of the dollar is one I’ve been ignoring, in that there are certain realities of life that one must face. An important one being that money is a necessity regardless of who I think I am.

Interesting discussion on epistomology at church today. Philosophy in general has captured my interest, as my guidance counselor noted a few days ago, when we last met. Thinking about how we think and examining how to truly “know” is a fascinating process, although I really have no idea what kind of employment such ventures might offer. Another item to the list of possibilities I have before me.

Supply is in Demand

Increasingly consumed by the Internet, I find myself tracking daily fads and phenomonon instead of going to school. SK, YTMND, and Zefrank are the name of the game, with some occasional lawn mowing, running, and attic improvements.

Instead of going to school like every other decent human being, I slept in and had lunch with Karel today, after which I sat on my butt, mowed lawns, left the lawn mower in the middle of the garage, and let dad run over it. Apologies to the woman whose lawn is quite literally half-mowed, but in rock-paper-scissors, a one-ton vehicle wins over a fifty pound motor with wheels. On the bright side, Karel and I installed a new receiver in the attic, resulting in a fairly wonderful improvement in the quality and quantity of sound available, as well as vastly improving the video arrangement. The receiver was courtesy of Greg, who was also generous enough to provide an AM/FM tuner, a VHS player (which is an incredible improvement over the RF Modulator I’d been using), three new signs, and yet more. I hope things go well for you in DC.

I’ve got funds appropriated for the upcoming release of the Wii. This includes multiple controllers, multiple games, and a TV. This will probably be the last recreational purchase I make (with the possible exception of a laptop) before shoving myself into the real world, where things like food and cars will try and take priority. It is ominous to think in such a way, but it is the harsh reality of life that I cannot and will not live in my parent’s basement for any longer than financially necessary. The idea of leaving Ithaca has become far more sensible on multiple levels. It will be a significant amount of time before this vision reaches fruition; indeed, the time required to purchase a car and the means to support said car and myself as well as finish off this silly high school business, is considerable.

I would so rather be running right now, but tonight’s my bi-monthly laundry gauntlet. Current attire is jeans, but who knows, I may get antsy enough and run anyways.

I Overslept, Again

Had a great conversation with my guidance counselor today. He gets a little too philosophical sometimes, but he put my inclination to drop Precalc in a very nice light. As I’d told him, it’s not a problem with the teacher or the class, it’s that it’s an inconvenience that I’m not sure I want right now. He, instead, placed as a challenge to improve myself for once.

I’ve been running and walking constantly. I’ve got a neat little blister on my foot from the day I ran eight (maybe seven) miles. Monday night, I ran four, stayed up all night playing SK and doing my econ paper, left home at 7:45, made it to school at 8:01 (it’s a pain, running with a backpack on. i have to jam my left arm behind the strap to keep the backpack from bouncing too much, even with the straps fully tightened and whatnot), and then layed on the bench in the Quad and watched myself steam for twenty minutes. It was, to say the least, a little trippy, watching the leaves sway behind a layer of my own steam, as I continued to listen to this great remix artist I found recently. Then, I ran home (my heart was going to explode about halfway up Gun Hill), and promptly thrust myself into a gigantic controversy in SK.

In any case, I’ve got to get some work done on a website I’m helping with. I’ve put it off too long.

Yogurt Burst Cheerios

Life is weird.

Norly.

I’ve been seriously considering moving out of the house. To do this, of course, I need (in order of importance) a driver’s license, and a job. My sources tell me a one-bedroom apartment would set me back 500 a month, in Ithaca. That’s just not doing it for me. The solution?

Who needs Ithaca?

Run with my thoughts here. Even with three full periods less than last year, school sucks. I hate it just as much as I did last year. Not even hate, really. I enjoy certain portions, I suppose, but I keep wanting it to be college, and it’s not. I hate being hounded by teachers because they don’t like the way I do things. Things, as in, not come to school or do homework. In my eyes, homework is a responsibility to yourself, not the teacher. If I don’t want to do right by my education, for the love of all that is good and holy, let me! I don’t care what you want, I learn on my own terms.

In the end, I just want to be able to do what I want and not constantly take crap for it. Moving out seems like a really big step towards that.

Living on my own sets some precedent for college. I’ve resigned myself (a poor phrasing, in some respects) to going to TC3, which will make for an interesting financial situation, depending on what job I would get. Not sure what I would do, really, but surely there’s a half-way decent job from 2:30 – whatever at night.

I don’t care.

I need out of this house.

Edit: You have played 597 hour(s) so far.

Gasp!

Revamped schedule:

1. Precalc AB – McMahon
2. a) PE / free b) free
3. AP Geography – Powers
4. a) Government – Augustine b) Eng 12 Semester – Pickins
5. a) Health – Parker b) Eng 12 Semester – Pickins
6. a) Economics – Strippel b) PE / free

Oh, look at that. No 7th and 8th period! The wonder of it all.

Course analysis!

1. Precalc AB – McMahon

Good teacher, possibly interesting course material, but McMahon doesn’t like me. He’s got that instinct for slackers, and he’s caught my scent (doing 1/4 homework assignments is a big tip), and he’s being a pain about it. He’s the kind of teacher that stops class to note the fact that you are late, and regardless of whose fault it is, will blame you and threaten you in order to remedy the problem. It doesn’t help being first period, because as some of you may recall, I had 48 absences and some obscene amount of tardies in my first period class last year.

3. AP Geography – Powers

So far, this has been a little worse than expected. The students in the class suck – they talk more than they did in USH, and it’s an AP class, so, what gives? It would probably be more fun if Powers didn’t have to spend so much time doing managerial stuff, providing more time for the good class discussion he fostered in USH last year, as well as more of his fun stories. The course material is pretty excessively easy – it’s basically common knowledge with formal names tacked on. Ideally it will improve, but I’m not dropping it.

4. Participation in Government – Augustine

Sucks. Teacher sucks, students suck, course material sucks. She’s like Brofenbrenner, but slightly less inane. Students are jockular or dumb-tastic, and the course material is designed to cater to that.

5. Health – Parker

Sucks. I honestly could teach this class – that’s how lame it is. But you knew that.

6. Economics – Strippel

Really great. The teacher knows exactly how to foster good discussion, and guides it effectively to explain the material. It’s the kind of class where you want to do the homework so that you can participate, and she’s the kind of teacher that you actually want respect from. Interesting course material, too.

I dropped AP Stats, along with Graphic Tech and Fractals & Chaos. AP Stats wasn’t bad, the teacher was good, the class was okay, and the course material was sub-meh, but the biggest motivation to dropping was that it was 8th period. I’ve been laying the law down – if I’m doubting anything at this point, down it goes. I’m not going through a repeat of last year. That was a nightmare.

Life’s generally progressing well. The mode of things has been to go to school, come home, play SK, sleep, maybe do some homework, and that’s that. I’ve been pretty reclusive – I’ve found myself listening to music as often as possible in school and preferring to walk home alone so that I can continue to listen to music. I’ve gotten obnoxious with the listening to music while people talk to me, too. I’m not sure what it is, really.

You have played 521 hour(s) so far.

Sense of Smell

I think America takes the nose for granted. I’m thinking about this because my sense of smell is entirely shot. I’ve not moved out of this chair (with the one exception being to go to Chinese Buffet) in well nigh two weeks, and I’ve finally started understanding why Coke tastes better after a good run. Consistent exposure to diverse environments activates the nose! And, as we all know, smelling is more than half of our ability to taste. Technically I pulled that number out of my butt, but it’s a healthy percentage.

Regardless, it’s been a good summer. I’ve not done much of anything, and that’s what I wanted. I think I’m ready to take on school, although I’m not exactly please about its arrival. I’ve decided to dump AP Stats for Health, leaving a fairly healthy schedule, in my opinion. I’m really looking forward to AP Lang, although I’ve yet to do the prerequisite work. That’s what these last seven days are for.

WTB ‘Free Periods’ PST

1. H-Precalc AB – McMahon
2a. PE
2b. Fractals & Chaos – Drix
3. AP-Geography – Powers
4a. Government – Augustine
5b. Graphic Tech – Cowell
6a. Economics – Strippel
6b. PE
7. AP Lang – Anderson
8. AP Stats – Kalman

Subject to removal: Graphic Tech and AP Stats. I was expecting Krywe for Graphic Tech, not the new guy. And Stats, because I’m not a huge fan of stats, and I may be lazy enough as is.

Subject to change: 1st period math. That is not working for me at all. Oy.

My free periods, as you may have noticed, are off-kilter. I get one, every other day, for the first semester 2nd period, and for the second semester 6th period. I get the 2nd semester of 4th period of, and finally the 1st semester of 5th period off. It’s basically two, but more retarded than normal.

SK, Revisited

Interesting article on Slashdot at the moment concerning game addiction. The comments in particular are quite insightful. I’ll paste some of my favorites here, because I know most of you are lazy.

Where are the parents in all of this?

“Seriously.

His parents were frightened of him because, weighing more than 130kg, he was too strong for them to confront. Eventually they threatened to kick him out unless he enrolled for a month of therapy.

You’re the parents, you make the rules. Pull the plug, take the computer away, do something, anything. You’d probably hit the roof if you caught your kid with a joint, but when he wants to wrap himself up in computer games you just fucking sit there and let it happen. That shit pisses me off. I hope this clinic is working with parents too to make sure they can control their child’s behavior.”

Re: Where are the parents in all of this?

“Maybe when someone is deciding how to handle a problem with their own child, doing anything isn’t good enough? Maybe they want to do the right thing

It’s odd to me that some Slashdotters take “the parents should be responsible” to mean “the parents should do all parenting alone”. Parents are responsible for the behavior of their children, but if the behavior surpasses the parents ability to moderate/fix/heal, then why on earth should we mock the parents for seeking specialist help? Are we going to make fun of all youth counselors and child psychologists now because “You’re the parent, you make the rule?” Part of holding parents responsible for their own children should be allowing them access to the tools they need to do that job right.”

Re: wha?

“Most people hooked on, say, heroin are forced to keep taking it for more reasons than mere lack of willpower. Chemical addiction carries signifigant withdrawl side effects, some of which can be life threatening. Trust me, if you’ve ever known a real addict, you wouldn’t just sum up their addiction as “lack of willpower”.

People hooked on things that don’t carry an external chemical componant, or are only very mildly chemically addictive, don’t have that problem. Yes, addiction can be purely neurochemical, with nothing added to the system, but that isn’t anywhere near as signifigant. People can get hooked on gaming, gambling, sex, religion, TV, violence or minimally addictive food or drugs like caffine or marjuana. Their problem is lack of willpower. Other addicts have the far more serious issue of major chemical dependancy, breaking away from which really does require a detox clinic, or support groups, or any number of other external sources of intervention.

I’m not saying that psychological addiction isn’t real. It is. It’s just not on par with what a serious addict has to deal with. Saying “Real addiction is all about lack of willpower” lumps cokeheads into the same category as people hooked on poker. And the people running this clinic are essentially lumping game addiction into the same category as drug addiction; this isn’t fair to either the hooked gamers or the drug addicts.”

[on a side note, I love this guy’s sig – “Erotic is when you use a feather, exotic is when you use the whole chicken.”]

Re: wha?

“Eight years ago, my father had a brain aneurysm and stroke and I am his sole caregiver. I was 21 when it happened. I’ve mostly been stuck at home taking care of him for my entire 20s while I watched friends finish school, get married, have kids, etc. Between the area where I live and the limited ability I have to go out to enjoy life with my friends, I really started losing touch with society and became depressed.

In 2003, my best friend bought EQ at the urging of one of his co-workers. After two months of him nagging me incessantly to try it, against my better judgement, I did. Everything started out fine, him and I would log on for 2-3 hours a night to play together and that was it. About two months into it, him and I were asked to become officers in our guild. At the point you become an officer, you suddenly feel a whole lot more responsibility and you feel like you’re important – everyone in your guild counts on you. Not long after, I became our raid leader and, given the absence of the guild leader for a long period of time, people began to see me as the guild leader as well. Eight months in, I was tagged with the guild leadership officially. I now had seven officers and in the neighborhood of 120 guild members counting on me to be there. By now, I wasn’t playing 2-3 hours a day, I was playing 8-12 hours a day. It wasn’t reality, but it felt real enough – I was important to people and interacting with “society.” Along the way, I met a girl from the other side of the US and we had a fairly turbulent relationship(mostly due to her being bipolar), but we were in love and planned to get married. I knew that EQ was taking up my entire life, but my girlfriend was there and that’s how we spent time together from 3k miles apart and I was the engine the drove hundreds of cogs. At our peak, we had 1039 tagged toons.

This spring, my relationship of two years ended with her and at the same time, the officers staged a coup as the pressures from EQ’s death throes were mounting (yeah, EQ is dying, netcraft, server consolidations and mmogchart confirm it). About a month after I left the girl and my guild, I realized that I no longer had a reason to play and I simply logged off one night never to return again. That was three months ago last weekend.

For me, it wasn’t a game I was addicted to, it was all the social interaction, feeling important and spending time with my gf. After years of being depressed, it was nice to be somebody even if it didn’t mean anything in real life. After the way things ended, my biggest regret is that the things that helped me break that addiction didn’t happen earlier. Oddly enough, despite becoming “nothing” again, I haven’t been depressed and I find myself enjoying the mundane things in life that I neglected for 2.5 years. I still frequently think about EQ and some of the fun times I had in it, but I have no urge to play it anymore… and I deliberately avoid anything that might suck me into a similar situation again. In the meantime, I’m trying to rebuild my life even though I feel that I’m fighting an uphill struggle now at 29.

Our brains are an electro-chemical system and I would argue that the stimuli that make you feel important and good about yourself can be just as addicting as putting that cigarette up to your lips, especially when you and the rest of the world appear to have given up on each other. At 21, when you still have pretty much everything going for you and life hasn’t completely knocked every one of your plans for the future out of whack, it’s pretty easy to think idealistically about how everyone should be able to feel/be/do exactly like you.”

Why is your experience not ‘real life’?

“Why do people think it’s ‘not real’ if it’s conducted primarily on a computer?

Before Everquest existed, I ‘was somebody’ online – ran a guild on a MUD (although not as big as yours), and eventually even ended up running the MUD itself. There were definitely some stretches where I’d often spend 16 hours a day on the computer.

But I’ve also ‘been somebody’ in real life too. I have a real job with real responsibilities and most of the people I work with I have met once, or no times at all, and interact with almost entirely via computer. I’m also the president of one national non-profit organization with a few thousand members I never see, and run another business with 30,000 customers I don’t see either.

And I find that I often spend 16 hours a day on the computer.

Now, most people would consider my job, my non-profit, and my business to be ‘real life’, and I enjoy them. So why are people who enjoy spending 16 hours a day doing something else on the computer not doing ‘real life’? I really can’t think of anything that’s much different between the 16 hours a day I spend playing networked computer games and the 16 hours a day I spend doing various forms of (enjoyable) work. And while you may have felt compelled to play more everquest because people were depending on you, how is that any different than me feeling compelled to go to work for the same reason?

Computer games are certainly no less productive than the time I’ve spent shooting pool at the bar. But somehow going out and shooting pool at the bar is OK while playing games at home is not – why? Also, why is someone who spends 16 hours a day reading books and/or watching TV considered to be doing ‘real life’? All you’re trading is a networked screen with a non-networked screen or page.

Playing on the computer a lot, in and of itself, isn’t an addiction. It’s only natural that you’re going to do the things you enjoy doing as much as you can, and playing computer games isn’t any different than reading or anything else, except people who do those other activities want to pretend their life is more meaningful than computer gamers I guess.

People need to understand what an addiction really is. If you are COMPELLED to do something so much that it interferes with your ability to pay your rent, feed yourself, or maintain relationships that are important to you, that’s an addiction. If it consumes all of your free time, that’s just recreation. And I think it’s a tragedy to try and label someone an ‘addict’ just because of their prefered form of recreation.

Anyway, the time you spend on EQ was real life. And it wasn’t because you were ‘addicted’, it’s because you enjoyed it. Not playing anymore wasn’t an addiction-ending event; you just stopped enjoying playing so you stopped playing. Simple as that.”

Overreactive Parents

“I think for the most part it’s a result of overreactive parents, combined with what I like to call “baby sitter syndrome” (“Why won’t the public school teach my kids morals?!?! Why won’t the gov’t baby sit my kids?!?! Oh my, my kids are playing video games all the time, and I can’t turn it off because they cry and scream and make a scene! I need a Gaming Clinic/Baby sitter to fix my kids for me!”)

Disclaimer: I don’t have kids of my own so the above is probably warped by views of other people who don’t have kids of their own, not to mention stereotypes are rarely all-encompassing. Don’t take it too personally. I was, however, at one point a kid, and I did have parents (who restricted my video gaming and computer time) so I think I still have some things to say on the matter.

Gaming for me was a phase. I always have enjoyed a good game, but it’s not the same as it was when I was a kid. I would play games for hours on end, but now it seems my standards are higher or my attention span lower, because games don’t tend to “hook” me as often as they used to.

I still enjoy a good game of course, but I think I’m still largely “gamed out” from when I was a kid.”

Being a normal teenager is not a crime or a…

“Medical condition. Before the self obsessed BabyBoomers started raising children the majority of young boys didn’t have A.D.D.. This is all just one more “What about me!” from the BabyBoomer generation. “My kids aren’t perfect! Fix them!” This is coming from the people who invented, “Turn on. Tune in. Drop out.” “Free love” and your classic 1960’s 1970’s do it if it feels good self absorbed generation. As my hero George Carlin put it, “From cocaine to rogain”. “”These are perfectly decent kids whose lives have been taken over by an addiction,” said Mr Bakker, a former drug addict. “Some have given up school so they can play games. They have no friends. They don’t speak to their parents.”” Giving up school? Normal. No friends? Normal. Who didn’t feel isolated in high school? Not speaking to parents? Normal. Sounds like the kids aren’t watching TV all hours of the day and night and the new technology is frightening mummy.”

Game Addiction?

“We used to call this neurosis. The actual neurotic behavior isn’t really all that important. What is important is addressing the underlying causes, which often have little or nothing to do with the resulting behavior. This guy obviously has a problem, but obsessive gaming is just the symptom. He could equally well be compulsively plucking his eyebrows or watching TV.”

Mmmm…

The Chaos Regime

As I continue to swim through my seas of self-doubt to try and figure out what exactly I want to do with my life, I consistently find myself in love with the internet. I can’t make a living out of loving the internet, though, and this is what concerns me.

I’m not as naturally brilliant as I’m used to convincing myself that I am. A 1930 on the SAT, a 4 on my APCS exam, and a 2.7 GPA this year just aren’t validating my continually waning superiority complex, although this is most certainly not the case when it comes to Halo. So, the reality here is, what do I do? The world isn’t gonna keep giving me credit for my stunning good looks and liquid-smooth voice. Teh possibilities, they are teh endless.

A prime element confounding this is the confusion of my natural preferences and tendencies with my bad habits and moods. For example: do I just not like working under other people, or am I really freakin’ lazy? Or both? I’m certainly at least somewhat lazy. But the pattern has been that when I’m working for my own benefit, and not my superior’s, I work faster and with greater quality. At least, I think. I’m not speaking on solid terms here.

The concept of running my own business doesn’t sound bad. In this way, I wish I were more artistic, as there are generally a lot of avenues for the artistic ones among us when it comes to self-management. I’m not entirely forgetting my love for writing here, but I don’t think I’m an author at heart. Journalism is still an option, of course, (even Photojournalism, as my mother suggested), but I have it on the sidelines for the moment. I could see myself running a little computer repair shop, really. It’d be a nice mix of interaction with people as well as doing something that I enjoy. A few months ago, I did make a big ‘revelation’ about how I thought I was wrong about my love for computers, and I’m not sure I was entirely wrong. However, I would be foolish to abandom them entirely (career-wise), especially considering I have been enjoying my work with Christopher at GNS.

I don’t expect to find concrete answers any time soon, but sorting things out through these posts has been quite productive overall, however moody it may make me seem. Patience in all things.

Jenn ate two pairs of my headphones (both were pairs I use for running, the earbud kind) this week, so I’m biking over to Best Buy tomorrow to get another pair, using the money Mom and Dad left for food (which I haven’t used yet, I’m getting pretty hungry). Being home alone is fun.

[edit]

Just curious, how many of y’all were aware that North Korea fired 5 non-nuclear warheads at the US and Japan? I hadn’t heard about this until two days ago. WW3 ftw? Especially considering how nobody likes eachother down there in the first place, I see bad things happening.

[/edit]

You’ll Disagree

No, really, you will.

BOONDOCK SAINTS SUCKED!

AHH!

Rantzor! Why does everyone think this movie is good? Even people with good taste in movies have fallen prey to this load of crap! I’m not alone in my feelings here; my brothers are with me on this. It’s insane. The straw that broke the matephorical camel’s back was Paul and Karen. Technically two straws. Shut that face of yours.

On track here. I could go on and on about how disgustingly self-righteous and vaguely blasphemous the movie was. It’s like X3, though; the movie sucks, but it appeals directly to 90% of the movie-watching populations, and that’s all that matters. It has the goods – violence, Irish accents (or in X3’s case, Hugh Jackman), and pseudo-reflective quotes involving God and guns. Heck, the movie has a freakin 20% on Rotten Tomatoes, this SAYS something! That’s not stopping them from making a sequel, though.

Life continues on in its general stride. I managed to get to Judo for the first time in two months, and I feel so utterly hardcore. No, really. I ran a mile (okay, maybe 3/4..) with my gi in tow (in a backpack, not wearing it) to Barton Hall, did that Judo thang, ran home, ate, ran another three miles, and here we are. Can you tell I feel like showing off? HAH! I can’t tell whether it’s the running I enjoy, or the running to techno. I’d do it more often if it weren’t for that, you know, muscle damage thing, being human and all. I feel great as is, though, I think I’m gonna try and do this a few times a day. It’s not as if I’ve got better things to be doing.

I suppose the only other piece of news is that my house will be entirely empty by Friday. Hayden, Ana, Jonathan, Mom, and Dad are all gonna be gone. Hayden and Ana back to El Paso, Jonathan to California, and Mom and Dad to….honestly, I’ve not a clue. I’ve never really been home alone for several (I believe I’m alone for three full days) days in a row before (never more than 2 full days), and I’m excited. No, I’m not holding a sexy party (queue Stewie clip), it’s just the thought of going out and buying my own food, and then cooking it, and then nobody else will eat it but me, and it’ll be up to me to stick it in the fridge. And when I wake up the next morning none will be gone, because no one else will be there to eat it. Ahem.

Hope you’re all enjoying teh summar. I sure am.