Author: Tim Froehlich

Centrism

As children, the primary goal for our elders is to show us, by whatever means necessary, that the world does not revolve around us. Cultural nuances are what these people are attempting to instill within us: standards of common courtesy & manners, tradition, honor & respect. These form the foundation necessary for normal interaction within one’s world. How one creates and defines one’s world is another ocean of intrigue entirely – today, I ponder upon the evolution of our idea of self, among a sea of other selfs.

Generally, we define assholes by their sense of self versus our own and/or those we care for. How dare he let his dog shit on your lawn? What did his mother ever teach him? Probably nothing, lol.

I’m more and more convinced that personality is a matter of how well one can alter one’s perspective at will. This ability is more commonly known as keeping an open mind – but so many are convinced that the expansion of the mind is more related to politics, than to every day interactions, that few even ponder the true depth of such a concept. The open-minded person is capable of empathizing and sympathizing with every person and every situation with the fullest extent of his or her heart. This is an ability most often attributed and reserved for therapists, yet why would we try and treat such a fantastic trait with such aloof disdain by quarantining it to something so limited as a counseling session?

kaika_sk: I guess it is because of my interest in psychology that I love learning about people.
salandarin: exaaaactly
kaika_sk: Its kind of a hobby, I observe people everywhere I go.
kaika_sk: Probably why I tend to troll the forums instead of posting.
salandarin: i enjoy both sides of the equation. observing other people as they react to me allows me to observe myself in a more objective manner, but i get to learn about other people and myself at the same time
salandarin: i like to think of each interaction as a chance to improve on the last one
salandarin: constant state of improvement!
kaika_sk: *nods* That makes sense.
salandarin: it’s kind of like the real-life RPG 😉
salandarin: i wish more people thought of life like that.
salandarin: which might sound kind of conceited, but a lot of people have given up on improvement and growth
salandarin: and instead are just gunning for breaking even, survival
kaika_sk: I agree, I mean, I think too many people are not really seeing the bigger picture.
salandarin: i sort of understand – experiencing just two weeks of constant work work work work gave me a real case of tunnel-vision, it’s so easy just to get lost in the details of life
salandarin: life can be lonely and embittering if you don’t keep perspective
kaika_sk: Well, I think right now for myself, I am in the survival mode, but more so because of my financial situation, I just don’t have the time or energy for more.

This is my point. Why do we lose sight of self-improvement? The primary focus of our social education in youth is how to play nice with others. Yet once that eighteen or so years of learning are done, we somehow come to accept that “people are the way they are”, that who we’ve become by the time we have our degree is who we’ll be, for the most part, to our death-beds. It’s a state of docile acceptance: we treat our personalities and our perspectives as concrete, immovable objects that cannot be improved or harmed. Our environments and circumstances only “unlock” certain aspects of ourselves, good and bad (such as depression or contentment). Why are we content with what’s enough to make it through life, when we could be emotional and social giants, building each other up with even the most minute interactions?

Idealism sucks balls.

Prediction

“Hey, Kyle, hold up a second.”
» “Yeah, buddy, what’s up?”
“This really isn’t working out.”
» “How’s that?”
“I’m going bat-shit; I’m double scheduled two nights this week. I miss a day at the restaurant, my ass is totally fired. I make more on a slow night there than I do during a full day here.”
» “So you’re quitting?”
“What other choice do I have? I fucked up planning ahead, and here I am. I figured if I could make it through this week I’d be fine, but this was the breaking point. And the planograms. Ugh, the planograms. I’m sorry, man.”
» “Nah, don’t worry about it. I saw it coming anyways.”
“Yeah?”
» “I figured it’d be some time this week. You’re really good at this, you did a great job, but I totally understand.”
“Thanks. It sucks balls, but what the hell else am I gonna do? I mean, shit, I promised myself I wouldn’t get caught working Sundays, yet here I am. I missed a friend’s funeral yesterday for work, I’m at my wit’s end.”
» “So what’re you gonna do?”
“Find a job that’s okay with me working two days in the week? I don’t know where the hell I could do that, but I’m sure there’s something.”
» “Not likely.”
“I can’t take doing the corporate crap. I’m serious about the planograms. You know how long I spent moving shredder lubricant yesterday? Damn, talk about a lifeless task. How do you put up with it?”
» “Working at Borders wasn’t so bad, it was a little more free-form, but it’s all the same in the end. You put shit on a shelf, sometimes it’s more specific than others. Management isn’t so bad, there’s some thought to it, but it’s a job like any other.”
“I guess so, but I don’t think I could handle that, either. The bureaucracy of quotas…”
» “You’ll never get away from that, don’t even try. It’s just the way any business works.”
“Maybe retail’s not for me, then.”
» “The quotas are always there, even if they aren’t called that. You go to a law firm, you better be damn sure you have enough clients, win enough cases, it’s the same anywhere you go.”
“I’ll find something.”
» “Hah. Don’t be a stranger, man. Stop by. I’m not mailing your paycheck, either, you gotta come pick that shit up.”
“Yeah, alright.”
» “My first trainee quits after three weeks. Fucker.”
“Psh.”

Commercialism

After dumping forty hours of my skilled-ass labor into America’s economy, I realized that my dignity comes at a higher price than a retail store has to offer. I’m flipping Office Depot the bird, as it were, and saying NO to shit like planograms and rewards cards. Quotas just aren’t my thing.

You’ve probably never seen a planogram – it’s just a diagram for where crap goes in the store, and they get updated based on the whim of some executive with ADD. I have never felt more useless in my life when I spent thirty minutes moving shredder lubricant from one side of the store to the other. It’s a glorified version of running in circles.

It also feels (morally) wrong to encourage people to spend money on stuff they don’t need. It feels brainwashing to go through powerpoint after powerpoint of training exercises so that I can complete quizlets to show I understand what Office Depot is about. Nothing disgusts me more than corporate blather. Sure, they have a purpose; they want their employees to feel alright about who they’re working for, they want to make sure everyone’s on the same page.

Besides, I just don’t work Sundays. I’m not sure where along the line I figured I would be okay with sacrificing that.

Impersonation

It’s gotten a bit strange how much of my time I spend evading direct questions, when talking to a lot of people during my day. It’s so much easier when you have complete control over what people know about you, but it’s become something of a test to see if people can cut through my bullshit. Most won’t blink twice at how vague I can be. Some of them are just being polite until they get to know me better, others really just aren’t listening in the first place.

But, it would be another facade if I were to say I did it solely as a way to test people. I just do it because I don’t like dishing out seemingly unsatisfactory answers. Being vague is a form of verbal procrastination – when I have the information I want to give, I’m focused and direct. Those that know me, know that – but I also use that trait to draw attention away from other subjects that I don’t want to undergo too much scrutiny.

The days I enjoy most, are those where I don’t have to be coat everything I say in a bouquet of flowers. The people I enjoy most, are those that I never need to do the dance with. The people I dislike most? Those that pretend, act, and lie.

It’s an important distinction. I don’t pretend or act. I’m pretty realistic about myself, and it’s because of that, that I feel the need to throw up so many deflections. Not that I’m afraid of anyone knowing me – to the contrary, I’m an open person. That’s why I’m writing this at all. No, no, it’s about perception and respect. I am a vain soul. It’s the strong, but unfortunate drive behind much of what I do. It wasn’t until I realized how much of my desires were mere vanity that I could sort through what’s worth pursuing.

Computer science is strong evidence to this. I am, at this point, mostly confident that my future is not in the field of technical work. I’m inexorably tied to the hardware I do so love, but only in so much that I am a gamer and a scrutinizer of the trends that result from this piece of machinery. To the point, though; my interest in Computer Science, I suspect, was a result of my desire to live up to the expectations which I enjoyed, and the chance to participate in something intellectually competitive on a large scale. In simpler terms: from youth, most of my family and friends assumed (on a reasonable basis) that I would venture into a realm of technology, because of my affinity for and desire towards the field. Combined with an easy chance to prove myself as truly skilled through keen programming skill, eventually completed by entering into what is generally accepted as an elite field (game design), I would have “mastered” a skill – not for bragging rights, but to enjoy the perception that would be drawn around me, serving also to feed my ego which I secretly enjoy (refer back to vanity).

It sounds so simple – we are so often told not to live by the expectations of others, but I don’t think most people who speak those words even know what it means to do such, or what it feels like. I certainly wouldn’t label myself as a servant to the hopes and dreams of my elders and peers, nor (I doubt and hope) would anyone else. It was not that I felt pressure from those desires, but instead a desire to receive those pressures and the rewards met by living under those.

It comes through in so many other ways. In recent months I have been running oh-so consistently. Yet for most of my years of running, I had yet to comprehend why I find enjoyment in it, and why this enjoyment comes and goes much less reliably, and sometimes more frequently, than a full moon. With time, comes plenty of chance to consider the evidence, and I do believe it is all for the same reason. I run to be seen. My favored route goes through collegetown – and I slow down before and after so that I can sprint, because I enjoy getting the weird looks from passers-by. It’s such a jackass thing to do, yet I do it because I am just that vain.

I hope I actually wake up for classes today. I want to start my Psychology class. I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited about any course yet. Someone at the restaurant, a student at Cornell, was telling me about her Human Development major – it’s a combination of Sociology and Psychology (which also happens to be in the state school at Cornell – meaning wickedly cheap). We shall see.

A Question of Patience

Dormant is a particularly fitting word, today.

I’ve been sleeping in four-hour shifts for almost a week, and my body hates me for it. It’s the direct result of lacking a job, and it certainly gets old to explain the status quo to inquiring parties. It’s a little fun to pass it off as though I’m kicking back and biding my time before college waddles up like an obese woman, and takes more than its share of seats in my schedule. Really, I relish the chance to relax, because this summer hasn’t had a lot of that.

It’s partly due to my picky tendencies in regards to acceptable relaxation. That is to say, few activities actually relax me, though I might exude the aura of carelessness and personal freedom. While a series of flashing lights such as WoW might seem to be the pinnacle of ways to spend my time, it lacks that which I do truly enjoy: consistency. Summer is a terrible time for consistency, which makes this business all the more complex, which is where a job might arrive to rescue my limp form from deterioration.

In short, I really need a job. I hope these next few encounters develop well.

Mysterious Expectations

Prom was a lot more fun and a bit less special than I’d expected.

Dressing up and such is terribly fun, and it’s neat just to chill around with four hundred other people all in nice clothes, too. The excessive heat wasn’t quite as rockin’, and the musical selection was a little lame, but dancing for two hours was a lot more enjoyable than I would have expected. I pray nobody was actually paying attention to what I was doing, because I’m pretty confident that I looked retarded, but one must start somewhere in these things.

Watching people hump each other in psuedo-time to the music wasn’t quite a treat to the eyes, either, but after a while you just get used to looking at the pretty lights above.

Downfall

en·tro·py
–noun
…
3. (in cosmology) a hypothetical tendency for the universe to attain a state of maximum homogeneity in which all matter is at a uniform temperature (heat death).
4. a doctrine of inevitable social decline and degeneration.

There’s a few ironies I keep pondering, as I watch my once-beloved series 24.

Watching the series degrade is a sad business. While it has a moment or two from minute to minute, it’s hard to sort through the piles of ignorance its creators insist on shoveling out. Determined to cater to a less informed audience (which is, of course, the largest portion of the market), Jack Bauer has gone from a subtle badass backed by a more or less solid actor, to a new Chuck Norris, backed by similarly Norris-esque acting.

24 has gone (or is going, depending on how much they’re determined to milk from it) through a state of entropy, one that fits both of the supplied definitions (there are more). It attains homogeneity – it appeals to the masses, it now blends into pop-culture, and in doing so, falls from its once glorious and mighty state.

🙁

Oh, to be young again…

Session Start (AIM – Steak220:Lemonadeyeti): Sat May 08 23:00:30 2004
[23:00:30] Lemonadeyeti: woo
[23:05:22] Steak220: woo
[23:05:25] Steak220: new RvB
[23:05:28] Steak220: if you care
[23:05:29] Steak220: at all
[23:05:33] Steak220: about the world
[23:05:37] Steak220: and all that is holy
[23:05:40] Steak220: and motherly
[23:05:51] Lemonadeyeti: why don’t you give me your shovel before you dig yourself any deeper
[23:06:07] Steak220: ….dig myself into what?
[23:06:29] Lemonadeyeti: a hole… that’s where most people dig themselves to
[23:06:37] Steak220: …
[23:06:41] Steak220: generally that’s a metaphor
[23:06:56] Lemonadeyeti: generally there’s a snake in my boot
[23:07:01] Lemonadeyeti: but
[23:07:03] Lemonadeyeti: not right now
[23:07:06] Steak220: …
[23:07:08] Steak220: wow
[23:07:11] Steak220: that made no sense
[23:07:14] Steak220: whatsoever
[23:07:15] Lemonadeyeti: somebody poisoned the waterhole!
[23:07:24] Steak220: you watched toy story, didn’t you?
[23:07:30] Lemonadeyeti: not recently
[23:07:34] Lemonadeyeti: just watched indy jones
[23:07:38] Steak220: oooh
[23:07:51] Lemonadeyeti: first one
[23:07:54] Lemonadeyeti: raiders of the lost arc
[23:08:02] Lemonadeyeti: ark
[23:08:03] Steak220: that one’s good
[23:08:09] Lemonadeyeti: not the best
[23:08:17] Steak220: i liked the 3rd one best
[23:08:20] Lemonadeyeti: it was the best
[23:08:23] Lemonadeyeti: we couldn’t find it though
[23:08:25] Steak220: tscha
[23:10:13] Lemonadeyeti: la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
[23:10:15] Lemonadeyeti: la la la
[23:10:17] Steak220: no.
[23:10:18] Lemonadeyeti: la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
[23:10:22] Lemonadeyeti: la la laaaaa laaaaa laaaaaaa
[23:10:23] Steak220: NO.
[23:10:29] Lemonadeyeti: i love teh muzak
[23:10:35] Steak220: what muzak?
[23:10:36] Lemonadeyeti: of teh indi
[23:10:41] Lemonadeyeti: joens
[23:10:45] Steak220: oooh
[23:10:48] Steak220: yeah
[23:10:53] Steak220: john williams is nifty
[23:10:56] Lemonadeyeti: when we bought our old jeep in like 1992
[23:10:59] Lemonadeyeti: it came with a CD
[23:11:02] Lemonadeyeti: that had that music on it
[23:11:09] Lemonadeyeti: but it got all scratched up
[23:11:11] Lemonadeyeti: like 10 years ago
[23:11:13] Steak220: A CD WITH MUSIC ON IT?!?
[23:11:18] Steak220: STOP THE PRESSES.
[23:11:20] Steak220: ahem.
[23:11:24] Lemonadeyeti: CONSIDER THEM STOPPED
[23:11:28] Lemonadeyeti: …and restarted.

[23:48:35] Steak220: processor is inpervertable, though
[23:48:43] Lemonadeyeti: hmm
[23:48:46] Lemonadeyeti: i know i can do this…
[23:49:04] Lemonadeyeti: “want to start up my processor?”
[23:49:07] Lemonadeyeti: that’s not good
[23:49:09] Steak220: ……
[23:49:11] Steak220: no it’s not
[23:49:14] Lemonadeyeti: hm
[23:49:25] Lemonadeyeti: “i could process you all night long”
[23:49:28] Steak220: “wanna be my HSF?”
[23:49:56] Steak220: there must be a way!
[23:50:13] Lemonadeyeti: we may have found gold
[23:50:17] Steak220: indeed
[23:51:18] Steak220: dang
[23:51:23] Steak220: i can’t think of anything
[23:51:36] Lemonadeyeti: where there’s a will, there’s a way!
[23:51:49] Lemonadeyeti: which is why i need a friend named will
[23:51:53] Lemonadeyeti: just to mock
[23:52:14] Steak220: ah
[23:53:24] Steak220: zach says it’s inpervertable, too
[23:53:26] Lemonadeyeti: yeah
[23:53:27] Lemonadeyeti: heh
[23:53:29] Lemonadeyeti: i just asked him
[23:53:31] Steak220: ha
[23:54:01] Lemonadeyeti: well write it down and frame it
[23:54:11] Lemonadeyeti: a challenge before the whole human race
[23:54:20] Steak220: hmmm
[23:54:28] Steak220: how would you broadcast a question like that?
[23:54:50] Steak220: find a way to pervert the word “processor”?
[23:55:07] Steak220: extract a sexual situation using the word “processor”!
[23:55:12] Steak220: or maybe
[23:55:18] Lemonadeyeti: it’d have to be on the howard stern show or something
[23:55:23] Steak220: hahaha
[23:55:28] Steak220: they could do it
[23:55:33] Steak220: they’re about that low
[23:55:38] Lemonadeyeti: all the people with those mind-types listen to it
[23:55:44] Steak220: and call in
[23:55:50] Lemonadeyeti: yes
[23:59:44] Steak220: hmm
[23:59:48] Steak220: like nobody is online
[23:59:51] Steak220: this is depressing
[23:59:54] Lemonadeyeti: well
[23:59:59] Steak220: such a phenomal question to ask
[00:00:02] Steak220: so few to ask it to
[00:00:14] Lemonadeyeti: asdfjkl;
[00:00:16] Lemonadeyeti: wooo
[00:00:19] Lemonadeyeti: indeed
[00:00:27] Lemonadeyeti: if eels could talk..
[00:00:38] Steak220: …
[00:00:42] Steak220: we don’t live in the ocean.
[00:01:10] Lemonadeyeti: if they could talk, they’d tell people that they’d be fine without water, they just need wagons and people to pull them around in
[00:01:31] Steak220: that’s why eels don’t talk
[00:01:37] Steak220: because in the beginning
[00:01:38] Steak220: they did
[00:01:44] Steak220: and they controlled humans
[00:01:52] Steak220: and had them pull them around in wagons
[00:01:54] Lemonadeyeti: what’s weird is test tube babies
[00:01:56] Lemonadeyeti: don’t have navels
[00:01:57] Steak220: but there was a revolution
[00:01:58] Lemonadeyeti: isn’t that weird?
[00:02:06] Steak220: and the humans
[00:02:14] Steak220: removed all the eels voice boxes
[00:02:16] Steak220: and yes
[00:02:19] Steak220: that is weird
[00:02:38] Steak220: wow
[00:02:41] Steak220: that would be awful
[00:02:44] Steak220: going through life
[00:02:46] Steak220: without a navel
[00:02:53] Lemonadeyeti: people would look at you and be all disgusted
[00:02:58] Lemonadeyeti: and you’d never have children
[00:03:15] Steak220: yeah
[00:06:06] Steak220: man…no navel..
[00:06:12] Steak220: moving on
[00:06:14] Lemonadeyeti: ok
[00:06:43] Lemonadeyeti: this conversation sucks so much
[00:06:45] Lemonadeyeti: i’m going to sleep
[00:06:48] Steak220: me too
[00:06:51] Lemonadeyeti: woo
[00:06:55] Steak220: you too
[00:06:56] Steak220: …
[00:07:01] Steak220: something like that
[00:07:08] Lemonadeyeti: let’s not talk
[00:07:19] Lemonadeyeti: show your silence with dots
[00:07:20] Lemonadeyeti: …
[00:07:23] Steak220: …
[00:07:26] Lemonadeyeti: …
[00:07:30] Steak220: …….
[00:07:36] Lemonadeyeti: ………
[00:07:39] Steak220: .
[00:07:43] Lemonadeyeti: …?
[00:08:00] Steak220: … !!
[00:08:32] Lemonadeyeti: …
[00:08:36] *** Lemonadeyeti signed off at Sun May 09 00:08:36 2004.

Suite

Tuxedo shopping is more than a little fun. If you haven’t tried it, I’d strongly reccommend it. John, the short guy that outfitted the three of us (Paul, Ben) was hilarious.

“You look good, my friend, you look good!” x50
“You got it, man(g), you got it.” x25

I’m looking forward to prom, even if a date doesn’t present itself.

Epoch

A small glimpse into what I spent the last 1886 hours doing, since last July. I’m not expecting you to care or even to understand.

You say ‘My time is drawing to a close, regardless. I will not lead the nation to the Empress’ return. Another will have to.’

Uillean asks to you ‘Your time?’

Uillean clears his throat, beginning to speak Zhensh.

You say to Uillean ‘I will be stepping down, in the coming months.’

Uillean says ‘Oh, my friend..’

Uillean sighs.

The distant howl of a lonely creature echoes through the area.

You smile at him.

Uillean says ‘No one can take your place.’

You say to Uillean ‘But someone will have to.’

Uillean says ‘That much is True.’

It is noon.

Uillean says to you ‘I will have to build trust with a new commander all over again.’

Uillean chuckles sadly.

You say to Uillean ‘Zhenshi won’t be the same after I leave.’

It begins to rain.

You say ‘It molds itself to whoever commands.’

You say ‘The land…’

Corathir runs a hand across the dirty floor.

You say ‘It lives, in a strange way. I feel more of a connection to it, than with mortals, anymore.’

A light drizzle is falling here.

You say to Uillean ‘Let that not be a slight to you, friend. You are as loyal and trustworthy as any I’ve known.’

Uillean laughs.

Uillean says ‘By no means.’

Uillean says to you ‘I am no stranger to attaching myself to things eternal.’

You say ‘For god and country.’

Uillean lightly hits a fist to his chest and nods his head.

…

You tell Sirano ‘I’m feeling odd.’

You tell Sirano ‘You may be the last person I bring to life, Sirano.’

You tell Sirano ‘For in a month, I retire from my duties.’

Sirano replies ‘Ah, I do not wish to drain you that much.’

You stop resting, and sit up.

Sirano replies ‘My life is not worth another’s for no cause.’
You start to concentrate.

You utter the words, ‘candusgjfcandusqnn’.
You have resurrected a lurid male half-elf!

You rest your tired bones.

You smile at him.

You say ‘Life anew upon the wings of the Restless, Sirano.’

A lurid male half-elf tilts his head to the side, offering a smile towards the peaceful half-elf.

A lurid male half-elf says ‘My thanks to you sir, and your Lord. However I wish not to be the cause of your downfall.’

You chuckle.

You say to a lurid male half-elf ‘Not at all.’

A lurid male half-elf looks at you.

You say to a lurid male half-elf ‘You will come to a time, when your service is done.’

You say to a lurid male half-elf ‘I’m reaching it. That’s all.’

A lurid male half-elf gestures tot he floor next to the peaceful half-elf.

Corathir offers a warm smile.

A lurid male half-elf asks ‘May I sit?’

You say ‘Of course.’

A lurid male half-elf says ‘Ah, well perhaps I should be dressed first.’

You shrug in response to his question.

A lurid male half-elf says ‘I’ve never done this…’

A lurid male half-elf struggles with the magical words.

You say ‘Sixty-two years has led me to barely notice such things.’

A lurid male half-elf starts to concentrate.

A lurid male half-elf utters the words, ‘qarr abrazak’.

A lurid male half-elf starts to concentrate.

A lurid male half-elf utters the words, ‘qarr abrazak’.
A lurid male half-elf’s gear appears on him in a flash of holy light!

You hum softly.

A lurid male half-elf grins.

A lurid male half-elf lowers himself to a resting position next to the other half-elf.

A lurid male half-elf sits down and rests.

You stop resting, and sit up.

You start to concentrate.

You utter the words, ‘pzar’.
Ok.

You rest your tired bones.

You say to a lurid male half-elf ‘Tell me about yourself, young knight.’

A lurid male half-elf says ‘Sirano, as you know.’

Corathir dips his head.

You say ‘Corathir Veltre, as you know.’

A lurid male half-elf greets everyone in the room.

You greet Sirano.

Sirano says ‘Of myself? Well sir, not much to tell to be honest with you. My travels have not taken me very far.’

Sirano asks to you ‘If I may ask sir, how long have you lived?’

You hum softly.

Sithara tells you ‘Where will I find you then?’

You say to Sirano ‘Not long, by the measure of most elf-men. Sixty-two years, forty-five of which have been in my Lord Zavijah’s service.’

Sirano nods his head slowly.

Sirano says ‘Is still quite long, from my point.’

You tell Sithara ‘My Lord’s temple in Nerina.’

Sirano asks to you ‘Where will you go?’

Sithara replies ‘By the libraries, yes?’

You tell Sithara ‘Indeed.’

You say to Sirano ‘I have not yet decided. I’ve a chance at staying to teach future Talons, but I may decide to retire entirely, and…live out life, as a normal man, with my wife.’

You say to Sirano ‘In essence…I would go home.’

Sirano says to you ‘A worthy ambition, no doubt well earned from your service.’

You say to Sirano ‘I pray such. I have done my Lord’s bidding, I think, as long as it took me to do it.’

You say to Sirano ‘You see, I was brash, in my youth.’

You say to Sirano ‘Mighty ambitions, but lacking in humbleness, and most certainly wisdom.’

Sirano says to you ‘From what I have seen, common for those of our kin while in their youth.’

Sirano says ‘There is no shame in our past, even if there be mistakes and tarnishes there.’

Corathir chuckles lightly, nodding several times.

Sirano says to you ‘We are indeed, a sum of our mistakes.’

You say to Sirano ‘Ah, I bear my past gladly. It is my successes that wear me down more quickly than my failures, however.’

You say to Sirano ‘Friendships made, and watching them dwindle away by the tide of the River. I have watched nearly all of my mortal companions die away, in my life. While it is has been suggested to me that I just…up and make new friends…’

You chuckle.

The sliding door opens.

A clear-eyed female elf darts in from the east.
A nightling soars in from the east.

A clear-eyed female elf closes the sliding door.

You smile at her.

Sirano looks at a clear-eyed female elf.

Sirano looks at a clear-eyed female elf.

You say to Sirano ‘It’s saying goodbye to friends that becomes the hardest task of all, you might find.’

Corathir glances to the clear-eyed elf with a wink.

A clear-eyed female elf bows her head towards the altar, then nods to the half-elves.

A clear-eyed female elf asks ‘Friends?’

A clear-eyed female elf looks at Sirano.

A clear-eyed female elf looks at you.

You say to a clear-eyed female elf ‘I’m reminiscing with the young knight. I feel old, today.’

You grin at her.

Sirano says to you ‘I would imagine so, however we never truly say goodbye, all we do is see you further down the road.’

Sirano stops resting, and clambers to his feet.

A clear-eyed female elf says to you ‘When I was your age…’

Sirano says to you ‘And with that good sir, I wish you a happy retirement, or a pleasant trevel to whereever you might go.’

A clear-eyed female elf chuckles and waves her words away.

Sirano says to you ‘I’ll see you further down the road, friend.’

You say to Sirano ‘Thank you, good sir. I pray you find your travels well, and I hope you find wisdom all along the way.’

Corathir dips his head to the lurid half-elf.

Sirano slowly bows before the half-elven man.

Sirano opens the sliding door.

Sirano walks east.
You hear foot steps nearby.

You close the sliding door.

…

A Large Altar Room
The velvet carpet ends at the simple, arched doorway into this spacious and imposing room. The gold-colored ceiling is arched, and adorned with an etched silver pattern along the edges, complementing silver walls with gold etchings at the top as well as the edges. At the far end of the room is a large, bronze altar stands atop a round, smooth slab of granite. The marble floor shines brightly from attentive care, adding to the rooms heavenly glow. A large tapestry hangs on the wall behind the altar and is the only decoration gracing the walls of this room. The room is otherwise unfurnished but exudes a sense of integrity and pride.
Obvious exits: sw

This is how your action description will appear while standing:
Corathir is on both knees before the altar.

Corathir bows his head, and closes his eyes.

pray I pray, my Lord Zavijah, that I have pleased you in my service. That I could walk in the light of your Wisdom is all I could ever ask for. You have blessed my life more greatly than I would dare to imagine, and I praise and thank you for this journey I have walked. May I continue to honor you, in all my days.
You pray to the gods for help.

Corathir lifts his head, and opens his eyes to look upon the altar with misty eyes.

Corathir nods to himself, once.

Corathir rises to his feet, and bows low before the altar.

You are already standing.

This is how your action description will appear while standing:
Corathir is here.

You walk southwest.

Fading

Music has always held a strange place in my head. You know that I have strange listening habits – a look at my last.fm tells you that I’ve listened to the same ten songs almost ten-thousand times. Some of them are short, some of them aren’t. I listen to one song on repeat until it no longer matches my mood. On other days, whatever I’m listening to carves my mood.

This is one of those days. I woke up late again, after not doing a pile of homework that was due, I sat in the shower and stared at the wall for thirty minutes before fumbling my way back downstairs and laying on my bed for four hours. There’s a sense of hopelessness that takes over, and the word ‘worthless’ kept running through my head all day. I know it’s not true, but a quick, objective examination of my life over the past year doesn’t warm my soul too much. I want a lot of things taken care of, for me. I want to be done with school, to forget it and move on. I want a job, truly and earnestly – I want to be doing something productive and I want to be compensated for it. I don’t enjoy generalizing my accomplishments in my head, repeating past victories in my head to console a bruised ego.

But that’s what the word ‘worthless’ is about. High school has been, on the whole, about losing my ego. That’s a good thing. Yet alongside that, I’ve stopped expecting anything of myself, because I have no pride to defend. I fantasize about having a job that I’ll enjoy in five (mayhaps seven) years, about some day being in good shape physically, mentally, and emotionally. I yearn for independance, the ability to stand on my own two feet. Some mock the idea of humans being independant, for we’re dependant creatures, but I think you (yes, you) know what I mean.

My one comfort in this is that I can look at past versions of my self (with a space) and know that I’m building up, not down. I might be lazy, unreliable, and apathetic, but I know I’ve grown, somewhere in there. I’m just not doing that growth any justice. It deserves better than this.

bah

Christine Pardo: You ever poop a poop that wider than it is long?
Kinohki Tasaki: yup
salandarin: hmmm
salandarin: nope
Randy: Yeah, and I named it Tim.
Christine Pardo: lol
Christine Pardo: Randy, you’re awful
Christine Pardo: You’re grounded
salandarin: ….
salandarin: D:
Christine Pardo: For pickin on Tim
Randy: I wasn’t picking on him.
Randy: :/
Randy: I don’t play with my poo.

Budding Terrorists

From Slashdot:

“A student at the Houston-area Clements High School was arrested, sent to an “Alternative Education Center” and banned from graduation after school officials found he created a video game map of his school. School district police arrested the teen and searched his home where they confiscated a hammer as a ‘potential weapon’. ‘ “They decided he was a terroristic threat,” said one source close to the district’s investigation.’ With an upcoming May 12 school board election, this issue has quickly become political, with school board members involved in the appeal accusing each other of pandering to the Chinese community in an attempt to gain votes.”

One more, two more.

Some good comments:

“I made a map of my school shortly after the Columbine thing, for Duke Nuken 3D.

I got extra credit from my Visual Arts teacher for being ‘creative’, and lemme tell you, I had a HELL of a lot more than a hammer for weapons at my house.”

(in response)

“My Visual Arts teacher gave me an “Incomplete” for the course. I shouldn’t have made my map for Duke Nukem Forever.”

“Dude, you are way underestimating the seriousness of this issue. They found a hammer in this kid’s house…a fucking HAMMER. He could easily have knocked one, maybe even two people unconscious with that thing before anyone could do anything about it.

What does anyone need with a hammer in their house anyway? Forget about banning him from graduation, this little mini-Osama should get sent straight to Gitmo. There is absolutely no reason to have a hammer in your home unless you intend to commit a terrorist act.

Plus, if all that weren’t bad enough, this kid is ASIAN. Christ man, do you have any idea how crazy those Asians are? One of them killed a bunch of people at Virginia Tech just a short time ago. This categorically PROVES that all Asians are sociopaths just itching to shoot up a school. You can’t argue with this logic, it is completely impervious.

You have no idea what we’re up against here, man. This shit is SERIOUS. Don’t come crying to me when your kid comes home with a big nasty bump on his head because one of these little Asian al Qaeda wannabes smacked him over the head with a mallet. You were warned.”

(in response)

“I spoke with Charles Hammerton about this, and you are neglecting many aspects.

He might have had the hammer for home defence. There is nothing wrong with some sport hammering from time to time. Of course, we believe that hammers should be licensed, and background checks done before a hammer can be purchased. Training is, of course, very important, and hammers should never be left where children could harm themselves with them. If appropriate, a hammer lock can be had at any high school that teaches wrestling.

Dont forget about the constitution, and the right to bear hammers.

Responsible hammer ownership is a right, and should not be infringed by a few nut cases.

As Charles said “you can have my hammer, when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers”.”

“Dont forget about the constitution, and the right to bear hammers.

People are always misquoting that amendment. It’s the right to hammer bears. Which, as the supreme court affirmed in smokey v. ashcroft, means that you have the right to get a bear drunk if it’s more than 18 years old.”

(in response)

“He could easily have knocked one, maybe even two people unconscious with that thing before anyone could do anything about it.

As a proud, lifetime member of the National Hammer Association, I must insist that we not go too far here. It’s part of our constitutional rights – the right to Arm and Hammer – to arm ourselves with hammers. This incident is merely one more reason that everyone ought to carry hamers everywhere they go – if others had been armed with hammers, this student would have had a serious disincentive to consider possibly carrying out the egregious act he was prevented from possibly committing.

Soon, crazy liberal will want to outlaw air hammers, jack hammers, Mike Hammers, pipe hammers – even Diesel hammers – you name it. Act now to preserve your hammer rights – join the NHA.”

(in response)

“Hey! If we outlaw hammers, only outlaws will be able to put shelves up!

(in response)

“Don’t underestimate the hammer. Remember the Blacksmith of Brandywine.

During the US revolutionary war, a blacksmith performed an errand for General Washington, only to return home and find that redcoats had murdered his family in his absence. The blacksmith took a heavy sledge from his workshop and walked onto the battlefield of Brandywine. There, before they finally brought him down, he slew 20 british soldiers. With a hammer.

No, I’m not being serious about a hammer being a viable weapon, not these days. (Although note that the Blacksmith story is true, from all references I can find.)

I just found it ironic, that the Blacksmith of Brandywine went on a murderous rampage in response to oppression from a ruthless government…and now, our government is so scared of our children that they’re even taking our hammers away.”

“1. It is not illegal to create game maps for a first-person shooter game.
2. It is not illegal to show maps for a first-person shooter game to someone else.
3. It is not illegal to possess five swords.
4. The board had nothing to react to in the first place.
5. The student committed no crime for which the police could legally arrest him, at least pre-PATRIOT Act.

He, an honor student, was removed from his high school and forced to attend an alternative (read: for delinquents) education center, will not be allowed to receive his diploma with the rest of his class, and will probably have difficulty, if not being accepted to, at least getting financial aid for a good college. All because he went to a school staffed and parented by a group of reactionary morons.

How should the school have handled it? There’s nothing to handle. When/if parents complained, the appropriate authority figures should have repeated my response to #1: “It is not illegal to create game maps for a first-person shooter game.””

“A terrorist under every rock, and a WMD in every child’s hand. When will this crap cease and common sense prevail?

Oh, that’s right: never.

I’d read the article, but it’s been Slashdotted.”

(in response)

“Since I’m from the deep south (somewhere east of Texas and west of Mississippi) I feel qualified to say…

This is par for the course in this part of the United States. Ignorance, fear and xenophobia run rampant, white men run everything, and opportunism prevails at every turn. Police forces are treated as a paramilitary force, and zero tolerance is the rule in schools – even though it only means that more kids every year get fewer chances at straightening up and becoming successful.

Louisiana (and other population-losing red states) wonder why it’s best and brightest move away as soon as they finish college – crap like this is the reason why.”

“An overreaction is when you lock up someone for life when they stole a loaf of bread. This doesn’t even accomplish their stated goal – to protect their school from an unbalanced and violent individual.

Let’s assume for a second that they are right. The guy is violent, mentally unstable and is using his home grown CS map to practice his planned killing spree (which was apparently to be carried out with a hammer). What do they do? They merely transfer him to a different school. In no way, shape or form do any of the school’s actions prevent him from entering the school again and carrying out his assumed plans. At best, they’ve moved the problem to a different place, and put others at risk that hadn’t been at risk before. At worst, it really pisses him off, and he escalates his planned violence (pipe bombs really aren’t hard to make). Any which way you look at it, the actions of the school and the police were completely irresponsible.

Factor in that the guy had none of these plans to begin with, and you’re looking at a massively incompetent school administration, board and police whose only goal is to cover their ass. They don’t care whether what they did solved any issues; all they wanted was to have something to point to if the student does go apeshit and the inevitable question of “who’s to blame?” rolls around.

The US is going down the shitter, and attitudes like these towards kids and education are the reason why. Way to ruin your future generation.”

“I died a little on the inside when I read this. 🙁”

(in response)

“Don’t worry, you’ll respawn in Mrs. Crabapple’s classroom for round 2.“

Translucent

(edit: a disclaimer – I will be poking with the template, but because Blogger’s tossed in a lot of new features, I’ll be starting from their template and going on. things might look terribly cookie-cutter or just terrible, so don’t whine at me)

I haven’t posted for several months. Where to start?

A redesign is high on the mind-priority, you might say. I find the current incarnation to be increasingly stale, like crackers with too many years behind them, and perhaps too many ahead of them. The long delays haven’t been the product of any lack of desire or motivation – really, I don’t know why I haven’t come back here in so long. I love my blog, I love the little microcosm I created on this series of tubes. Why I would ever consider giving it up, I cannot know. I only know that this isn’t an isolated problem.

Why haven’t I been running in two months? Why did I skip school for eight full days (thirteen for poor first period Math)? Why am I at home now? Why is my life so hard to manage when there is so very little to be managed?

No, no, I’m not in a state of distress, I’m just in a void, of sorts. I’m displeased knowing that a year from now, I’ll probably be sitting in this same chair, in the same place of this blasted yellow box called my bedroom. I’m going to TC3 (though I have yet to fill out the application), I don’t know what I’ll study, I don’t know where I’ll work in the mean-time (though I do know where I’ll be living – for some kind of fee, I’ll be remaining at home, as it’s the best option, even if it’s closer in proximity to my parents than I would prefer). I’m taking my driver’s test in twenty-two days. Life moves, but it moves like a sloth. I’m impatient for graduation to come, and yet I know that there are other features of this life that are passing by, that I’m missing.

SK has claimed 1825 hours, but I’m on the brink of quitting. No, I’m not addicted (nor was I ever).

Some day, I think I might try and build a strong reputation. I dislike having none – I don’t mind implications of stupidity among friends and acquaintences, I know they’re nothing more than a jest, but my insecurities lead such comments to strike more deeply at home than they might appear.

I don’t think I’ll make a post this insightful for a while. It feels wrong, and probably is. I’ll try and keep up with posting. No promises, though (not that anyone would take my word on such a thing).