Terrorize

A lot of people ask me why I’m holding off on sex until I’m married.

The first, most common assumption that many make is that I believe sex, especially sex outside marriage, is an affront to God. I’m a Christian, and it would be a fairly rational leap of logic if you didn’t know better to conclude a lot of things about my beliefs. I’m not whatever you might assume, I’m Tim, and I have a pair of mostly functional eyes that I use to make observations for myself, and a supposedly working brain that I use to process those observations.

As such, I don’t buy the bullshit that God put one wo/man out there for you somewhere and that you’re going to make them very sad if you give your virginity to anybody else. I don’t buy the bullshit that your virginity has a super magical attachment to it, and that we’re forsaking God by forsaking that attachment. I don’t buy the bullshit that sex is something to ever feel uncomfortable with, ashamed about, or afraid of. I do believe that sex is special. I think everything about our sexuality is special, and that the fact that we have so many ways to express our sexuality is a beautiful and awesome thing. Thusly, I think our sexuality is something to be taken seriously, and I think that means more than just attaching a time and place to certain portions of our sexuality. I believe that means maintaining a healthy sexuality, just as we should keep a fit body, an active mind, and well-balanced emotions. As with every other aspect of our being, this requires discipline, knowledge, and willpower. We’ve been given a body, and we’re supposed to take care of it and make good use of it.

I came to the conclusion that I should examine what I want, before I could ever decide how to get there. We do the same thing with our bodies when we exercise, the same thing with our minds when we learn, and this is just the same thing. So, I started simple.

* I do want to have sex. No shit.
* I do want sex to be awesome. Another no-brainer.
* I do want sex to be special. It starts to get complicated. What could happen to make sex less special, for [i][u]me[/u][/i] (not you)?

* I don’t want sex to be a means to an end – it should be an expression of love, and shouldn’t be exploited for any other means.
* I don’t want sex to be an end – my goal should be knowing and enjoying who she is, not knowing and enjoying her vagina. The same should apply for her. I want her to want more than sex.
* I don’t want sex to be a necessity – I don’t want my life or my image to revolve around whether I’m having sex or not.

Ensuring all of this is no small task. Realistically, how can I have sex with someone that I’m not sure I’ll be with for the rest of my life, and guarantee that I’ll be living up to all of these standards? For me, I don’t think that’s possible. I can’t say the same is true for anybody else – no one is exactly like another. These are hopes and desires that not every person shares. Some people really just don’t care, and that’s their right. Let them experience sex however they want – this is how I want to experience sex.

Ultimately, I don’t want sex to come before a relationship in my priorities. I feel like the best way to know that I’m focused on being there emotionally is by not giving myself the chance to lose focus on the part of the relationship that has to last, no matter what. Does that really mean I need to wait until I’m married? Not necessarily, but the only reason I would let the boundary back any closer would be to satisfy my own lust. I’m not going to sacrifice anything for short-term pleasure, even if it’s a pleasure as awesome as sex. And believe me, I’ve had plenty of people tell me how awesome sex is. Ignorance is not bliss, in this regard.

Am I setting myself up for failure by trying to resist a force as powerful as my own raging sexuality? Who knows. I know I’m not perfect, and I sure as hell don’t plan on getting caught off-guard. But just as surely, I’ll do everything I can to follow through with my plans.