what if

What if men of the future run for president decades in advance

What if they would troll forum after forum, talking themselves up and saying their name over and over again to the rhythm of a popular pop song

What if they would viral market themselves into popularity

What if presidential candidates’ names turn out to be consistently similar to the sound of the word for a kind of rare species of giant squid and land-faring dolphins

What if parents started naming their kids after obscure things to increase their chance at achieving the presidency

What if volcanoes were the primary source of energy for modern american homes

What if it was cool to say very few things

What if our movies were considered too loud for comfortable viewing

What if electric skateboards outnumbered shoes

What if it was expected to name commonly used inanimate objects after fruits and sometimes vegetables

What if trampolines and zip lines were a popular mechanic for going downtown

What if there was some kind of bizarre malfunction plaguing everyone because of the prevalence of this new mode of transportation

What if there were many kids orphaned by this disorder, and it was hailed as an epidemic and there were charity dinners and the space-president might have said a word or two

What if lawyers were people who interpreted the stupidly complex things people say and write down what they’re saying in a way that uses shorter words and less run-on sentences

What if electric triangle were the hip new instrument to play

What if a new type of mental disease causes people to exhibit bird-like behavior

What if Chinese restaurants look exactly the same

What if a popular show centers primarily on elderly ballet dancers

What if they created an airborne drug that does nothing but cause a person to move in ultra slow motion

What if people got “slowed” at school by douchey classmates

What if you could buy slowbombs and throw them at unsuspecting pedestrians and watch them react at you for an hour

What if it was kinda normal to never talk about death with your parents, like it is with sex

What if it became a societal issue where people weren’t prepared for death

What if Trojan were a company that helped draft wills

What if hipsters often went to random funerals, and this act was known colloquially as funeral-surfing

the world could be a very scary place

this post was inspired by this picture

Digable Planets – Cool Like That
– youtube